When it all seems to get on top of you
by mishy-mo
Summary: A crazy little fic to explain the whereabouts of Daniel at the begining of the S4 finale i think it's funny but hey i wrote it! so please R&R and tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

"Danny really doesn't know what he's missing." said Jack from his reigning position on the white ivory chair on the Pel'tak of his new pride and joy.

"He has ridden in a ship before, sir." replied Sam appearing from the archway on his left.

"Yes but not while we were driving." He glanced at the six-foot plus giant at the glowing red controls – he could almost tell just by the movement of muscles in the formidable man's baldhead that he was wearing his trademark sceptical single-eyebrow-raised look, and so he added. "Ok, while Teal'c is driving. But at least there isn't a thousand angry Jaffa chasing us around."

"The general said that he would be there to meet us on Vorash."

"But his mission with the geek patrol finished over 4 hours ago." He whined. "He should be here by now."

"Yeah, I was kind of surprised at the general's message." Admitted Sam.

A thoughtful silence descended.

oOo

'_SG-1, come in.' _

'_Yes, sir we're here.' _

'_The Tok'ra are waiting for their moving van. You have to proceed to the Tok'ra base and then head straight home with that new ship of ours – I'm leaving her on your hands son bring her home as so as their finished.' _

'_Yes, sir; is Daniel coming along for the ride?'_

'_Ehh no Jack, he's going to meet you on Vorash.' _

'_What? Why?'_

'_He's ah… buried with work at the moment, don't worry he'll meet you there.'_

'_Yes sir.'_

oOo

"Are we there yet?"

"No."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

4 hours ago…

"SG-13 welcome back. Debrief in one hour."

'Great!' thought Daniel, 'That will be just enough time to catalogue these artefacts; I might even get to start on these translations! Oh – shower first!'

A happy go lucky Daniel Jackson bounced down the ramp ahead of a mob of wet, mucky and tired archaeologists. There was no doubt in their minds that had they been on the same amount of coffee as Daniel Jackson most of them would be dancing out of the gate room; or hunting and chasing Daniel with abandon for making them stay on that horrible planet for a short eternity.

oOo

It took a record 9 minutes and 32 seconds for Daniel to get showered and changed and dash into his office. This short space of time also included an agonisingly long 34 second journey upwards in one of the base elevators. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the warm glow of his desk light compared with the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights in the hallway. Around him, teetering in towers and stacked high on shelves were thousands of books; each containing their own little piece of history from the eating habits of Bronze Age civilisations to the religious pursuits of the Dark Ages and yet more books where filled with the languages and writings of the world (and a few others). Several great bookcases loomed high above his head. This was his little patch of heaven in all the madness of the galaxy. Littering every other surface in the office was some of his prized rocks… artefacts. And pride of place in an easily accessible shelf behind his desk was the ultimate coffee maker. It took an agonising 1 minute and 4 seconds for a single cup of coffee to brew. He savoured its sweet smell before taking his first sip of _real_ coffee in four days.

He was now ready to work.

Opening his pack he carefully removed the 'rocks', but he soon found that there was very little space for the new additions. Some had been lucky and had been placed in some once forgotten space on the desk, others on papers that littered the desk with scribbles of translations, and the least fortunate found themselves propped precariously on towers of books.

And they were not stable to say the least.

It was a Greek pillar that fell first. He saw the books move in slow motion to slump on to the desk before causing more books to tumble. The last thing that he remembered seeing was a copy of 'An advanced Guide to Roman Mythology' by Romulus Tiber firing across and into his beloved coffee sending it cascading over a weeks worth of notes and translations.

So with a slightly queasy feeling in his stomach he dived forward before all went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

1 hour after that …

Tired and weary archaeologists dragged their feet into the briefing room, one of them it seemed had fallen asleep in the shower, with their skin taking on a red glow and the spot where his head had rested against the tiles of the cubicle, was now a shade lobsters would be attracted to. They sat with their eyelids dropping barely aware of the fact that on earth it was mid-afternoon, let alone the fact that their intrepid leader was yet to show.

"Good afternoon, people. Right let's get started, P4X-56… Where's Dr Jackson?"

The room became slightly responsive, with mild curiosity taking over the minds of the archaeologists.

"He was in and out the locker rooms real quick."

"Said something about cataloguing the rocks he found."

"Probably passed out from a caffeine overdose." murmured a very tired archaeologist.

Luckily Hammond was a little too worried to reprimand him, "Sergeant!" he called as Harriman scuttled past the briefing room door.

"Sir?"

"Have you seen Dr Jackson?"

"No sir."

"Could you go and check his office please?"

"Yes sir."

Hammond distinctly heard the words 'three bags full' coming from down the hall; it was at this point that he decided that 'the colonel's' sense of humour should be tested for contagions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Walter Harriman stalked down the corridor of Daniel's office muttering to himself.

"So this is how I start the first day of my down time in six months; going on a man hunt for a lost archaeologist."

The door was shut. He knocked quietly; then a little louder.

And with no answer.

"Dr Jackson?" He said leaning close to the door.

And although it did move slightly there was not enough room to get in but just barely enough to of a gap to allow 'Ancient Symbols and their Meanings" by Gimel Etruscan

"Dr Jackson!"

He pushed harder and was soon able to put his head round the door in front of him was a sea of books up to his waist with the top ends of several bookcases, three blackboards, a single desk light, a coffee maker and a number of rocks floating on the surface.

"Dr Jackson!" he shouted.

There was no reply but the fact that the light was on and the still fresh smell of coffee told him that the single on-world member of SG-1 was trapped beneath the entire contents of the office.

Running to the nearest phone he dialled Hammond to relay the news then called Siler for reinforcements, no doubt bringing his team of following technicians armed with big spanners and clipboards.

oOo

"What!" shouted Hammond down his end of the receiver. "I'll be right down … and sergeant, start clearing that room."

The now awake and coffee filled archaeologists looked to the leader of the base curious as to what could have happened to make him react like that.

"General," said one of the men of the SG-13, "what's going on?"

"It seems that there has been a little miss-hap upstairs" his expression was forlorn as he continued with his tale, "Dr Jackson it seems is in his office however all the bookcases have fallen over and he's trapped beneath it all."

SG-13 stared at him in open-mouthed shock, their eyes wide and unbelieving at the strange fate that had come upon their bespectacled friends.

"You've got to be kidding."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Meanwhile…

Daniel was stirring.

Not that he could stir that much. His legs, chest and left arm pinned beneath weight of his small library.

In his dive to save his precious cup of coffee (which had ultimately proved fruitless) he had managed in grabbing a handful of caffeine sodden sheets of paper, the extra momentum pulled him forward an partially to safe harbour under his desk – and thus allowed the free movement of his right arm and head.

Consciousness came slowly and thoughts came with no traceable light – so too did muffled sounds of voices from above.

"Er 'Ackon!"

"I'm here!" he shouted. The dust from the old volumes filling his lungs and causing him to cough and sneeze and cough some more over the books that lay on his chest and the coffee stained paper in his hand.

"Dr Jackson.!" said a distant seeming but familiar voice. "Just sit tight we're trying to get you out but the books have pinned the door over. It's going to take a couple of hours."

"Oy," he thought out loud glad that no one could hear his mutterings.

"Daniel, are you alright?"

Now this voice he did recognise – it was Janet.

"This is so embarrassing!" then he said louder, "Yeah just make sure you don't break anything!"

"You've broke something?" she added worried.

"No, no – I said don't break anything! Like my artefacts!" he shouted back.

"Ok!" she called back then muttered, "But rescuing the coffee machine might be a little tough."

She glanced at the sleek burgundy and chrome object that appeared to have half its innards hanging out.

"Poor Daniel." She said even quieter as she watched the fleet of airman begin to dig into the teaming room full of books.

oOo

"I just can't believe Danny would choose work over this!" Proclaimed Jack for what seemed the thousandth time, and shifting uncomfortably in the hard marble seat.

"I can."

"What was that, Major?" he said with a sting in his voice.

"Neither can I," she replied, "But like I said before, sir; we'll find out when we get to Vorash."

"Ok." He said. "Are we there yet?"

"NO!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

6 hours later Daniel was removed from his office. His eyes wide and delirious as he quoted the names of authors and books he read on his travels by the light of his watch; however this drabble of words sometimes interrupted by a quick chew/lick/bite of the caffeine sodden paper that was still firmly in the grasp of his right hand.

His wary legs carried him shakily through the ruins of his office that now laid scattered through the hall; it was practically full while the room still had over half its contents. It had taken considerably longer than they had first thought to get to the desk that harboured the quivering doctor. Many wondered how the archaeologist had fit so much stuff into such a small seeming room.

They steered him in the direction of the elevator with the ultimate goal of reaching the infirmary but consciousness became a little too much for the doctor when he seen the scattered remains of the coffee machine at the end of the hall. The man responsible for 'steering' the doctor was caught off guard buy the sudden swoon and he ran for his life as a tower of eastern culture came toppling in their direction.

Thankfully the patient finally made it to the infirmary after a further 10 minutes digging to remove him from this history yet again. This dig actually went faster as the 'geek' assistants had been whisked away to begin re-cataloguing and the 'damsel in distress' wasn't yelling ever two minutes something along the lines of – "Is that an Inca statue?" or "That book is older than you." etc. However having a petite medical doctor shouting down at you constantly tended to make things go faster.

But throughout this and despite the attempts of said doctor nothing could be done to pry the paper form the unconscious mans hands.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 **

"He gave us quite a scare this time; even by his standards." said the general to the good Doctor as they made their way from her office into the infirmary to check on said patient.

"Yes sir, but he's fine now. Once we had him on a drip for 20 minutes he came round and was absolutely fine." She replied honestly.

"Hello, General." Said Daniel a little too normally for the experience that he had just been through, then again this was a little easier to cope with than some of the other troubles that Daniel had met within the ranks of SG-1.

This was only one of the little details that seemed to point to something being inherently wrong in the infirmary. The room was normally the up most in clinical cleanliness and etiquette, but while the infirmary held up the wondrous record something was most definitely out of place.

The doctor knowing her way round the infirmary better than her own house could pin-point this change instantly and made a beeline for the patient on the gurney and stood before him hands on hips and left foot tapping an angry rhythm.

"Daniel Jackson!"

"What?" a look of fear began creeping on to his face at the vision of the petite napoleon, making the feigned look of innocence almost disappear.

"Now which of my nurses did you have to propose to, to get that flask of coffee."

His eyes went wide in shock, "I haven't even opened it yet!" he forgot about pretending to be innocent as he marvelled at the doctor, his curiosity overwhelming his once growing fear.

"Who?" she asked, a deadly calmness in her voice.

A silence descended between the two: daring challenges in eye movements and body language before all of a sudden a great argument erupted. The sheer volume of the argument was shocking and as it continued the doctors drew so close to each other that they were almost nose-to-nose.

Hammond was shocked at the display before him. 'They sound like an old married couple.' He thought.

"Doctors!" both of them stopped and jerked their heads in the general's direction as if realising him there for the first time during their exchange.

"Doctor, this is your patient!" he said uncomprehending.

"He's fine." She said a little too venomously to be speaking to a superior officer, "Except for a little coffee addition." She continued as she slipped a large flask from under the thin mattress and whisked it away from her patients reach.

"Hey!" cried Daniel, "Just because I didn't drink it doesn't get me out of taking Claire out to dinner!"

"So it was Claire." said Janet triumphantly.

"Damn it!" He sat in a huff; his knees drawn up under his chin, his arms wrapped tightly round them, his glasses sitting askew and glaring from behind them for all it was worth. "Don't know what you're complaining about. Jack, Sam and Teal'c always bring me coffee when I'm in here."

"Yes and when you think none of us are looking you drink their coffee as well! You have a problem Daniel Jackson, with a capitol P."

Again the glare appears from behind the spectacles.

"It saved my life today, if I hadn't dived for the coffee I wouldn't have been half-way under the desk!"

"Diving for coffee? Are you listening to yourself doctor?" said the general now realising how much of a problem the archaeologist had.

"Full de-caf from now on. And no chocolate either!" said the small doctor with a tone of finality in her voice.

"Where is the rest of SG-1 anyway?" he asked curious as to why his team was not there to give him his coffee.

"Taking a removal van to Vorash, and you're going to meet them there, once you've had some rest."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 **

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes" came the deep rumble from the Jaffa who had barely moved in the last 8 hours.

Jack, after slipping and sliding and finding that any and every position on the big white chair wrought havoc on his joints he resigned to lying flat out on his stomach on the floor finding it far more comfortable.

"Really?"

"Indeed, prepare for extreme deceleration."

"No, wai…"

Jack slid 20 yards across the floor and came to within 2 inches of kissing Teal'c's boots.

"…t."

If every muscle wasn't sore and tense before after the punishment on the chair then it certainly was now.

"I could not do as you asked O'Neill; if I had done so then we would not have arrived at our destination."

"What a shame that would have been." He mumbled , his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The Jaffa had long since learned not to answer to comments such as this.

It was at this moment that Sam chose to walk into the room.

"Sir? Are you alright?"

"Just peachy, Carter."

"How did you …Why…? I don't even want to know." She stepped delicately round the still prone body of her CO to talk to Teal'c. "I take it we will be arriving soon."

"Indeed, we will be arriving momentarily."

"Good"

"It'll be good to see Dad again." Came a muffled voice from the floor.

"Yeah but I want to check on Daniel too."

"He's a big boy; he can take care of himself." replied Jack.

"Well you're older and…" her voice dwindled.

"Care to finish that sentence Major?"

There was a slight pause before she replied "What sentence sir?"

" 'What sentence'? What do you mean 'what sentence'?"

"Well it wasn't a sentence was it sir?"

"Don't get smart with me; you're already too smart for your own good." He took a deep breath before going into a complicated explanation. "Well it wasn't really a sentence but a strange culmination of a phrase and a preposition thing. But a sentence must be finished in order to say that it was ended with a preposition so we'll never really know what it is. So now that we have discussed the finer points of your terrible grammar would you care to finish?" he said from his flat out position on the floor.

"No." she replied simply.

"Oy." He said heaving his shoulders off the floor and getting to his feet with a groan. His eyebrows were pulled into an angry looking frown, but the playful gleam in his eyes made such a frown redundant. "But you are right, as per usual."

"About what?" she challenged, a little too innocently.

"About Daniel. Despite all that play time he would be missing with his rocks and archaeologist buddies I thought he would want to be here."

"I also wish to enquire as to the whereabouts and well-being of Daniel Jackson."

As usual the Jaffa's words were short and to the point and no further conversation was needed until they greeted the Tok'ra.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

Daniel awoke after a short chemical induced sleep to the sounds and sights of a half-wakened infirmary with very few people near by. He checked his watch and it seemed that he had been out for 2 hours, _Wonder if that's enough 'rest' for the general_, he though, and was in desperate need of real coffee.

"Claire!" he whispered loudly.

The passing nurse drew closer and batted her eyelashes in a manner that would be extremely hard to confuse with sexy.

"Yes Daniel." She replied her voice as sweet as honey.

"Could you get me some more coffee? The doc took the last stash and she put me on de-caf for the rest of my life."

"Oh your poor thing, of course. Are we still on for Friday?" she said her eye wide and expectant mixed with a little fear.

"Yes, yes." A flash of doubt shone through his eyes, but it was soon covered with resolve and a fake smile, "I can't wait."

She returned two minutes later with a large flask. Nothing more than a flash of smiles and a painful rather than playful looking flutter of eyelashes took place between then in this exchange. He stashed the coffee beneath the pillow making sure it was completely sealed and shut and praying that the he would not see the good doctor before he reached the safe harbour of SG-1's locker room.

He smiled a wicked grin as he escaped the infirmary with the coffee gripped firmly in both hands. He took no time in getting to the locker room, and it was only mere seconds later that he opened the flask and took a sip of the black shimmering liquid.

Something wasn't right.

He let the flask down from his lips and it was only at this time that he felt the rough strip of paper contrasting with the smooth stainless steel of the flask stuck to its side. Twisting it slightly to face him, then adjusting his glasses he read:

'Approved by the CMO of SGC.'

"Noooo!"

oOo

Daniel walked at pace towards the base cafeteria and the harbour of his saviour; but as he approached the swinging door his ears were met with muffled sounds of scuffling; the soles of combat boots hurrying across the thick concrete. He paused for a second (his coffee-less mind needing more time than usual) to ponder on the meaning of the noises and wonder if anything was wrong.

The noises stopped suddenly – so with out another synapse being bothered he pushed through on to an eerie and heartbreaking scene.

It was eerie because of the enclosing silence and the gazes that were purposefully not looking in the archaeologist's direction. It was heartbreaking because all three of the SGC's coffee machines had sign that read "Out of Order" hanging from them.

He let out a barely audible whimper only caring about the broken machines before him and moving without a care for those around him giving him strange side-ways glances. With a kind of desperation his soldiered forward to the counter, and the clerk behind it.

"Tell me you have coffee." He pleaded.

"Yes sir. But only de-caf instant I'm afraid."

'You should be.' thought Daniel. "Why?" he said out loud more to himself than to anyone around him, but he received an answer none the less.

"The machines were sabotaged." Whispered the clerk leaning forward as if it was the biggest scandal to hit the SGC, "When we told the general about the plugs being pulled from the wires he didn't seem too bothered. But the really strange thing is that just as any real coffee from the machines becomes unavailable – the order for instant goes missing as well. Today's supply never made it here."

"Really?" said Daniel uninterested and making his way to leave.

"Dr Jackson?" said a lieutenant he'd seen around the base, "Are you all right, after that incident in your office and all?"

To this he had no reply.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Daniel was happy (well as happy as he could be) when he arrived on Vorash to see that the moving was too chaotic for any of his team to ask what happened. In their first encounter he could see the questions in their eyes but he knew they would be happy with the fact that he was just alive and well, for now at least.

And then the entire Tok'ra base was thrown in to disarray when Tanith escaped and blabbed to Apophis, (by which time the beloved flask had barely half a cup left – _Damn the Tok'ra for not liking coffee!_) and then somehow they ended up being hurtled through hyperspace on the shockwave a sun being blown up and thinking we'd left Teal'c behind on one of the now decimated enemy ships.

"At our top speed it's going to take over 100 years to get back home." said a solemn Jacob.

Jack and Sam looked slightly worried – Daniel just thought _NOOOOO! My Coffee! I'm going to have major withdrawal symptoms! _

And he sighed an final sounding sigh.

**THE END**


End file.
